Crybaby Husband Demands "Disney or Nothin'!"

Dear Angry Man,

"But I WANT it! You gots to gimme it!"

We’re planning our vacation for March next year. My husband wants to go to Disneyland and I want to go to London or Mexico. We’ve been married three years and only went on one vacation in 2012 which was also Disneyland.

The problem isn’t money. I did the math and we can go to London for a little more and Mexico for a little less. He just loves Disneyland and says we can go to London any time. He says if we don’t go to Disneyland he’ll stay home. 

We don’t have kids yet, I think we can wait till we do and go to Disneyland.

Should I just give in?

Reluctant Princess

Dear Reluctant:

…? How old is this guy?

There’s something off about an adult male who stamps his feet and demands to go to Disney. I’m not suggesting he’s any kind of pervert, but am suggesting he’s spectacularly immature (and alas, maybe too immature for marriage).

Maybe his fondest childhood memories are of trips to Disneyland. Well, my pal’s fondest memories are of Little League, but he doesn’t squeeze himself into a child-sized jockstrap and try to play the games—he coaches Little League. 

Maybe your husband simply isn’t curious about the world around him. He’s not obliged to be. But you are curious, and that ought to count for something to him. (And don’t let him tell you that you can see the world at Epcot Center. Drinking Guinness in goddamned Orlando, served by a theatre major with a put-on PBS accent, is not a trip abroad.)

Maybe he’s lousy at compromise. Then he's lousy at marriage. Does he demand his way at every turn in your marriage? If so, you’ll have one Hell of a time raising kids, buying a home, Hell, choosing a pet. No, marriage isn’t about keeping score (“You got your way last time, it’s my turn!”). But having got his way twice, your husband will demand his way next time, too. That’s what children do.

(On a side note, The Angry Man is no fan of Disney and has never set foot in one of their parks. He’d rather be caught in the line at a porno theatre than in line for Space Mountain. Disney’s evil. They treat their employees and business partners like turd (Angry Man says firsthand, having known numerous employees and worked for two of their business partners). They infantilized the bear [“The simple bear necessities!”] such that tourists in Yosemite aren’t afraid of them. They glad-assed Mary Poppins to the point that author PL Travers said it took “every ounce of courage she possessed” to live it down.)

My advice is, go to London or Mexico with a friend. Book your tickets today. Do not go to Disneyland, under any circumstance. Yes, your husband will cry and throw his toys out of the pram. But whichever way you turn, one of you is going to end up resentful, and I nominate him.